What happens in the holodeck
by SallyDaer
Summary: The Enterprise has a brand new holodeck and Bones is spending a lot of time inside. Jim is curious.
1. Chapter 1

Leonard McCoy was a man of many and varied talents. He was a more than decent doctor, an inspired researcher and a surgeon that never gave in while there was an infinitesimal chance to save a patient. Thanks to his grandma's efforts he was a more than passable cook. His ability to provide dinners that didn't come right from the replicator had gotten him a lot of dates before he married Jocelyn.

When he was in the right mood, after a good glass of bourbon, he'd pick up a guitar and sing with a deep and haunting voice. When he was a lot younger, he'd felt tempted to forget medicine and make a living on the stage. For some weird reason that he still didn't understand, kids and stray animals liked to follow him home and he had an encyclopaedic knowledge about the movies filmed in the twentieth century.

Chess, however, was not one of those talents. Not only was he not good at it, he found it unbearably boring. Despite that, just as he'd been every Wednesday since the Enterprise had started her five years mission, he was stretched out on the couch of James Kirk's cabin, watching his best friend and captain play yet another game of chess with his first officer. Why they wanted him there, when it was obvious that his presence wasn't necessary, was something that Leonard couldn't understand but there he was again, because by now it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to play if he wasn't there.

Since he knew that trying to figure out what was happening on the chessboard was only going to cause him a headache, he often used those moments to catch up on his paperwork or work on some new project. That night, however, his attempts to work were not being productive.

He made an effort to ignore the quiet conversation between Jim and Spock, shifted on the couch to make himself a little more comfortable and focussed his attention in the screen of his Padd. He read the code that he had carefully written during the previous hour one more time and pressed the preview button.

The image that appeared in the screen five seconds later forced him to admit that programming was another of the things he didn't excel. The proportions were not right. The blue in the sky was a little too bright. The sea was too green and the sand... He'd prefer not to think about the sand. He studied critically the screen for long minutes and finally sighed and closed the file. It was better to start again than trying to fix what was not fixable, he decided opening a blank document.

"Is everything right, Bones?" Jim asked with his eyes fixed on the chessboard.

"No. It's not all right." Suddenly, Leonard decided that he was too tired to keep working that night. He rose from the couch and dropped the Padd by his side. "If you want my opinion, this is a waste of time."

"What?" Jim turned in his chair to look at him and his eyes caught immediately on the program opened on the still active screen. "The holodeck project? I think is brilliant."

"Of course." Leonard muttered. "And everybody knows how well all your brilliant ideas work."

He wasn't being fair and he knew it. Most of the kid's ideas worked quite well, it didn't matter how crazy they'd seem. Besides, it hadn't been Jim's idea. He had just authorized Starfleet Medical to test its star project on the Enterprise and Leonard doubted they'd had given Jim the chance to say no. What was really pissing him off was that Leonard himself had believed it was a necessary project.

The holodeck technology had fascinated the scientists of the Fleet since they had run into it in the years of Archer and the first Enterprise. However, they hadn't been really interested in looking for a practical usefulness for it until a few decades before. The holodeck most evident use was recreational, so none of its ships had been designed with a place for them. If Jim was to be believed, the engineers of the Fleet had got different priorities, things to improve to make their travels safe and fast, before starting to work in something that was not strictly needed.

Leonard accepted that holodecks were not essential equipment for a ship, but he thought they'd be extremely useful for teaching. You just had to think in the Kobayashy Maru, for an example. It could be a lot more complex, be more realistic, and offer more varied situations than a simulated bridge and an enemy fleet. In the training of a surgeon, they'd be an invaluable resource.

But Starfleet liked things the old fashioned way, so holodecks had been put aside until Medical had approved their use for the treatment of a small group of veterans who had suffered serious traumas while serving in deep space. The results had been amazing. Allowing those men and women to relive their experiences in a realistic and fully controlled environment had improved the effects of the therapy so much that Starfleet had decided that investing money in them could be a good idea.

For the three years that Leonard had been on the Academy, the setting of therapeutic holodecks on the ships assigned to deep space exploration had been the star project of Starfleet Medical. Every medical student, even those not linked to the psychiatric track, had received basic instruction for programming them. Leonard had agreed that it was a fascinating project, but his interest hadn't gone further. He had only taken two related courses in his second year. The psychiatric students had spent hours and hours focused on the project.

"I would have thought that you especially, Leonard, would value how this project might be positive for the health of the crew."

Leonard didn't blink when Spock called him by his first name. He had needed several months of games of chess for the Vulcan to accept calling him something more than doctor but now it was usual. At least when they were alone, unless Leonard had done something to piss him off.

"Of course I do." Leonard was not stupid. He wasn't going to deny what was evident. "But this is not the right way to do it. I'm not the right person to do this. Anyone exposed to something that I'd program is probably going to come out more traumatized than he was in first place," he said shaking his head.

"Oh, come on. You cannot be that bad." Jim left his chair by the table and, before Leonard could stop him, grabbed the neglected Padd on the couch and started typing. "Or maybe you can," Jim feigned a shudder. "Can't you ask some other people to do this?"

"Don't you think that I've already thought about it?" Leonard reached to get his Padd back from Jim's hands and made a face to the image on the screen. Definitely, it wasn't one of his best attempts. "But I'm afraid that even in a tin can like this people are entitled to medical confidentiality."

"Maybe, but the person who programs the scene doesn't need to know all the details. You could describe to him what you need for the therapy and everybody stands to gain," Jim pointed trying to take the Padd again as Leonard stubbornly kept out of his reach.

"In case you haven't noticed it, Jim," Leonard replied harshly. "This ship is only a flying high school. Rumors spread at a terrifying speed and you cannot hide who goes on what mission. As soon as the tech would know what I need, he'd know who my patient is too. The risk of a leak is too big to allow it. Are you sure that we cannot request a psychiatrist, or at least a therapist from headquarters?"

"I'm sorry, Bones. I swear you that I've tried but you know how things are. Nobody is going to loan us their shrink."

Unfortunately, Leonard knew what Jim meant. The craziness of Nero and the Narada had more consequences than the loss of Vulcan and most of its population. Starfleet had replied to a call for help, so they had sent a rescue expedition. The ships had been crewed not only by cadets, but with a lot of the Starfleet Medical personnel posted on Earth. The loss of the auxiliary fleet had seen the death of doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, technicians and therapists by the dozens.

When things had started to recover something close to normal, the Fleet had discovered that there were a full lot of new enemies looking for a way to take advantage of the Federation's new weakness, and any ships that should confront them, had to do it with very limited medical personnel. Replacing casualties was almost impossible and Leonard was very conscious of it. He felt lucky that his team only lacked a psychiatrist.

But the Enterprise had been the ship chosen to test the holodeck project. The facilities had been finished when they had left for Vulcan and, amazingly, had survived Nero's attack intact. So, Starfleet had not found any reason to move the project to a ship with a specialist. Until further notice, Leonard was in charge. And it wasn't fun at all.

"That's fucking great." Leonard reached to take his glass and frowned when he found it empty.

"Truth be told, I don't get why this is so difficult for you. I've seen your Academy file." Jim ignored the frown and refilled the empty glass with two fingers of bourbon. "What? Did you doubt it? I'm the captain. I've read the files of all and every member of my crew. Did you believe that I wasn't going to check yours and Spock's? They were the first ones that I got."

Jim arched a brow and drank a long sip from his own glass. "The thing is, Bones, that you wouldn't believe how detailed those things are and I know that you're not the technical ignorant that you feign to be. You should be able to program that thing with your eyes closed."

"You don't understand," Leonard sighed.

"That's what I've said," Jim replied. "But I'd love to hear an explanation."

Leonard looked at him as if he were doubting between giving him an answer or tell him to fuck himself. Finally, he pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to explain himself.

"Programming this thing," he started speaking slowly, "is not only a matter of adding elements to a formula. There is no code for the sky of Cerberus II at dusk that I can choose and then add it to the simulation, you know? Maybe someday we'll have a data base for these kind of things, but we don't have it now. So I have to define an element called sky and specify the right hue of blue with the exact shade of turquoise. Then I have to draw those reddish things that seems like clouds but are not damned clouds. And I have to be precise. The patient who goes into the simulation has to feel it as something real. To do that, and do it well, you need... I don't know, maybe you need to have an artistic sense and I'm sure as hell that don't have it."

"Are you sure? Because you have dragged me to a whole lot of museums and art galleries." Jim leaned forward in his chair, ignoring the curious look of Spock. "I never thought you had problems to appreciate art."

"Don't be thick, Jim," Leonard snapped. "You can enjoy a Vermeer, but that doesn't mean that you can paint one. I can get how to make this thing work, but there is a significant difference between that and being able to make something useful with it."

And it wasn't that he hadn't tried. God only knew how many hours Leonard had spent working on that project, most of them in his free time, and his progress had been minimal. Starfleet had sent him the files of three crewmen who covered all the requirements to join the program and Leonard had studied them until he knew them at heart. He had attempted to program each of them once and again and remembering some of the worst results still caused him nightmares.

"Ah." Was Jim only answer.

Leonard nodded, worried. If things didn't improve drastically, and soon, the report he was going to have to send to Starfleet wasn't going to be easy to write. He did not like to admit a failure, but he liked even less not being able of giving his patients what they needed. Psychiatry might not be his strong point, but he was all that his crew had and he wasn't going to fail them.

"Is possible that the way you are approaching this problem is not the right one, Leonard?" Spock pointed after a long, uncomfortable silence.

"It isn't?" Leonard questioned. Even if he was not going to admit it out load, in the last few months he had learned that listening the Vulcan was a good thing. Sometimes it was only because his different and dispassionate point of view forced him to see new perspectives of problems, but it was always useful.

"If I understand correctly what I have heard, all your practices with the holodeck have been pointed to your patients' treatment. I find that attitude is professional and worthy of praise, but you might want to consider a different approach."

"What do you suggest, Spock?" Jim questioned before Leonard had the chance to say anything.

"Maybe," the Vulcan continued with his eyes fixed on Leonard, "you should forget momentarily the reason why you need to learn how to use the holodeck. Experience has taught me that humans learn more easily when they enjoy what they do. Even if this is not something that I would suggest to any other or in any other occasion, in this case I recommend that you forget your duty for a time and focus on the recreational functions of the facilities."

"Seriously?" Leonard couldn't believe what he was hearing. Reviewing the theory again, some more hours of practice was what he expected that Spock suggested. "Are you telling me that I should use the deck for fun when the rest of the crew cannot use it?"

"I only think that it is in the best interest of the crew that you learn to use it as quickly and accurately as possible.

"He's right, you know?" Jim said. "Work with something that you enjoy. Have fun. If what you say is true, the project is going right to hell so, what can we lose?"

"It wouldn't be better to admit that we're having problems? Maybe then they'd send us a specialist for this," Leonard insisted even when he already knew what the answer was going to be.

"Only if you want to spent the next few years justifying all your decisions and to give Johnson new ammunition to ask for a new change of CMO in the flagship."

Sure, over his dead body. Jim's had not been the only polemical commission in the Enterprise. Theory said that the captain had the right to choose his crew freely between the available officers of the Fleet. In practice, being CMO of the flagship was a highly regarded position. More than one officer with a lot of years of experience under his belt had wanted Leonard's office.

Also in theory, Leonard met all the medical criteria for his commission and nobody could deny that his battlefield promotion was valid, but a newly graduated cadet in a position like that was something that had never been seen before. Some people, with Admiral Johnson as his more vociferous spokesman thought that, in this specific case, the captain's decision should be overlooked.

They claimed that Kirk's lack of experience should be balanced with more veteran officers by his side. Leonard was sure that there were as many people in the headquarters waiting for him to screw it as there were praying for Jim to prove that he had only defeated Nero by a stroke of luck. He wasn't going to allow them the pleasure of watching him fail. Even if he had to follow Spock's absurd plan.

"I'll think about it," he said. Because of course he wasn't going to accept so easily. He downed his drink and stood up. "If you don't mind. It has been a long day. I think I need to sleep a few hours."

"Of course, Leonard."

"Right. Sleep on it Bones," Jim said taking again his place in front of the chessboard. "Breakfast tomorrow?"

"Yes. Sure." Leonard waved them good night and left the room without looking back. His cabin wasn't on the same deck than the other officers but near the sickbay, two floors and half a deck lower. It wasn't a long walk, but it gave him time enough to think again about Spock and his crazy idea. Damned if he had no reason.

As much as he hated it, he had to admit that his efforts were not going anywhere. He was at a dead point and, if he didn't do something to change it, and change it soon, the next few months where not going to be exactly fun for him. At this point, he had nothing to lose. He could try the Vulcan's method.

The problem now was to decide what he wanted to replicate. There were at least a dozen of scenarios that he'd enjoy. The cabin in the mountains where grandpa Horatio had taught him to fish, for example. The pub where he spent every weekend on his first year in the university, perhaps. The one with the redhead waitress that always flirted with him and served perfect pints. Or maybe that small beach where he and Jocelyn... but no. Even if it was a great memory, he wasn't going to work on anything that brought his ex into his life again. Not even a fake Jocelyn. In any case...

Yes, he decided just when the lift stopped on his deck. That could work. At least it was something that he should be able to replicate to the minimal detail he thought, and resumed his way to his cabin with reawaken enthusiasm. Suddenly, he could not wait to start working again.


	2. Chapter 2

"Good morning, Christine. Is he inside?" James Kirk went into de sickbay of the Enterprise and greeted the head nurse, Christine Chapel, with a nod, waving to the closed door of the CMO's office. Beta shift had finished a long while ago and his friend was not in his cabin nor in the gym. That usually meant that he was working on paperwork or had sunk his teeth into some new and exciting project and had still not left his office.

"No. I'm sorry captain but doctor McCoy left at the end of his shift. I think he is in the holodeck." The woman answered so coldly that Jim had to fight a grimace. He didn't know how Bones had convinced her to come back to the Enterprise, but it was clear as water than she wasn't going to allow Jim any familiarity. And if that was what she needed to stay, Jim had not problem with it. He wasn't going to piss Bones off bothering her.

"In the holodeck? All right. In that case I'll see him later."

Jim turned and left the room without looking back. The entry to the holodeck facilities was between sickbay and the nearer lift and when Jim passed by the door he noticed that there was someone inside. For a moment, he felt tempted to stop and take a look. He was the right to do it, after all. He was the captain. It was his duty to supervise his crew's work, Bones included. Although his friend was not going to be happy with him if he went into the room and interrupted him in a bad moment.

He could wait for an update until Bones'd appear in the mess for dinner, he decided, and continued his way to the lift. Besides that, it was Thursday, movie night in the rec room three, and Bones didn't miss that unless they were on the middle of some kind of medical emergency. Almost two hours later, however, the lights in the rec room were about to be turned off and Bones had not appeared.

Now that he thought about it, in the last three weeks it had been difficult to see his friend. They had met mostly when they were on duty, in his meetings with the departments heads or when Bones went up to the bridge to give him his daily report. They had spent some time together in the mess and of course Bones had been there for the chess night, but there had always been more people around, so Jim had not found the moment to ask him if everything was right.

Jim knew that the doctor had got problems with the holodeck project, but after that chat with Spock he had not spoken about the matter again, so Jim presumed that his friend had found a way to solve it. If not, he'd have told him, wouldn't he?

Maybe he couldn't find him more staff, but Jim was sure that they both working together could have found a solution. At least he'd have allowed Bones to rant as much as he wanted and complain to a friendly ear. Jim knew how to make his friend relax. And he had a bottle of romulan ale carefully stored in his cabin, perfect for that kind of shitty situations.

Allowing himself to be carried away for a sudden urge, he jumped to his feet and left the room. A fast check with the computer placed his friend in his cabin. A surprise visit could be a good idea, but it would be even better to wait until he had all the relevant information.

For second time that afternoon Jim went down to the medical deck. The door to the holodeck was closed, just how regulations stipulated. He didn't believe that any member of his crew would sneak inside unauthorized, but avoiding temptation was always a good idea. The lock on the door, however, didn't resist the captain override.

The control room was on the right side of the facilities. From inside, it was not possible to look at what was happening in the deck, strictly speaking, but a giant screen covered one of the walls. In the opposite side of the room there were several smaller screens, three terminals of the computer and a pair of comfy swivelling chairs.

Good, he thought dropping himself on one of the chairs, let's see what has Bones been doing. He needed some minutes to poke into the several files in the computer and find that there was a record of all the simulations that had been recreated in the deck. As soon as he found it, he could see what Bones had been doing in the last weeks. He had been busy.

The record showed dates and first initials. Those previous to the night of the talk with Spock belonged to the three crewmen that Jim knew were going to join the medical project, but just after that night there was a period of ten days where the only initials present were L.H.M., Leonard Horatio McCoy. Later, the other three crewmen reappeared and Bones' were only in the last session of every day.

That looked promising, Jim decided. He tipped the instructions to make the computer play on the screen the last session of the day. He wasn't going to feel guilty about it. He was not violating Bones' intimacy. Not with bad intentions, in any case. He only intended to help.

The first image took some seconds in appear but, when it did, Jim couldn't avoid whistling in admiration. He knew the place, had been there often. Bones and him had spent a lot of Friday nights there in their three years at the Academy. Brennon's Corner. They had found the old fashioned pub by pure chance when they were still exploring the city, their second month in San Francisco. It was too far from campus for them being able to go there every day, but it had an important advantage, they had never found another cadet there. They had gone there together the night before starting the mission and, if what Jim was seeing was what Bones was now able to do, then Spock was right and his friend's ability had improved spectacularly.

Every detail was there, the room in shadows and the smoky atmosphere, although Jim was sure that nobody had smoked inside a bar in San Francisco at least since XXII century. The bar was the same copy of an old English pub that had drew Bones there when they had seen it the first time and the stools, tables and benches made of old, dark wood, didn't differ at all from the real ones.

If he looked through the windows, Jim could see the harbour, exactly the same sight that they enjoyed from their usual table. Even the patrons were the same people who used to frequent the place. Jim leant forward to have a better sight of the faces. All of them had shared a beer with him and Bones at least once. All and everyone.

The door opened and Jim looked at it just in time to see Bones coming into the place He had changed and was wearing civvies, tight jeans and the black shirt that he wore the few nights that he didn't want to sleep alone.

Some of the presents greeted Bones, who greeted them back on his way to his usual stool in the back of the bar. When they didn't arrived together, Bones usually waited at the bar until Jim appeared. Then they moved together to their favourite table by the window while Bones ranted about Jim's lack of punctuality. There was a beer waiting for him even before he sat.

Jim's smile widened when he recognised the waitress. She had got a very sharp tongue and didn't doubt in using it when one of the patrons behaved as a smart ass. Jim had got a brief fling with her on their second year, although it was Bones whom she was interested in. It had only lasted a few weeks but they had kept being friends after that. He'd have not mind to spent a while with her. Even if it was only a virtual her.

Maybe he could convince Bones to have a drink there together in their next free day. After that, his friend had never liked to drink alone. He'd sure be happy to have some company. Jim leant back in his chair, ready to enjoy the familiar scene for a few more minutes. Then the door opened again and Jim jumped to his feet.

"Fuck!" Jim swore, his eyes fixed in the door.

Who had just gone into the place was a perfect copy of James Tiberius Kirk,

"Fuck!" he mumbled again watching his double walk to Bones and pat him in the shoulder with a smile. What the hell was happening there? Bones had created a perfect copy of Brennon's and, instead of inviting him, had created a copy of Jim too? He had to be kidding.

Astonished, he watched Bones and the fake Jim sit with their beers at their usual table. The simulation lasted almost two hours and Jim made it advance fast. It was weird to be able to look at himself like that, hanging out with Bones, chatting and laughing until they both left the place together. McCoy with a relaxed smile in his face that Jim had not seen in a long time.

It was interesting that, from all the things that Bones could have done with the deck, he had chosen that one. After a quick review to some of the records with McCoy initials, it soon became obvious that his friend had known right from the beginning what he wanted to do. He had started working only in the place, without people, and although the first attempts had been terrible, he had improved real fast. Then he had started adding people, one by one or in small groups. Obviously, that had been a lot harder. Jim laughed out loud watching some of the distorted images of all that well known faces. His double didn't seem to appear until Bones had perfected all the rest and he had nailed it at the first try.

Apparently, the last four nights Bones had finished his day having a drink with Jim at Brennon's. And where had he been while his best friend hung out with a bad copy of himself? The night before in the gym with Sulu. They had worked out for a while and then went for a drink to one of the rec rooms. The previous night engineering had celebrated a big secret party to celebrate that not one, nor two, but three people in the department celebrated their birthday the same week. When Scotty had invited him it had not been possible to say not.

One night before that he should have dinned with Bones in his cabin, but he had received an unexpected call from admiral Komack that had made him stay in his office until it had been too late for dinner. Wednesday night Bones had been there for his chess game with Spock, but he had left early claiming that he was tired. Not so tired to not stop and have a last drink with his fake best friend, Jim thought bitterly checking the time of the record from Wednesday.

Before that, there had been all those nights when they had shared table and after dinner conversation with the delegation from Delos IV and before that... He had to admit that he hadn't spent too much time with Bones lately. It was not that he didn't want to. Of course he did. Bones was his best friend, he was always ready to hang out with him. Even the nights they spent laying on the couch, watching a recorded game drinking replicated beer were fun with him.

The real problem was that being captain was a full time job. In the Academy he had learnt about exploration and diplomacy, about skirmish with klingons and romulans, he had learn how to do a lot of things that were all very good and were real useful, but nobody had told him about the endless paperwork. Even with a first officer as Spock, who was prone to take care voluntarily of more than he was responsible. It was impossible to keep up to day working only the eight hours that his shift officially lasted. Most days he worked between nine and eleven hours. It was a good thing that he didn't need to sleep too much.

Then, there was all the people who requested his time when he wasn't on duty. Since the Enterprise had left Earth, her crew had created an outstanding number of clubs and associations. There were sports teams, reading clubs, groups to learn to cook, botany, photography... even a choir and a theatre group. Bones said they were good to keep the crew sane and focused and Jim agreed, but in one moment or another all those groups required part of the free time of the captain. And he couldn't say no. He couldn't accept to go to one of the monthly dinners of the photography club and then say no to join the jury in the cooking contest of the cartography department.

The same Bones, as CMO, had loads of similar commitments to attend, so Jim had always thought that he understood the situation. But maybe one thing was tounderstand it and a very different one to accept it easily.

Jim felt a little guilty watching Bones laugh with the fake Jim. He didn't like how things were, either, but he knew that Bones was his best friend and he knew that his best friend would be there for him whenever he'd need it. He was sure that wasn't going to change only because they couldn't spend so much time together as when they were still cadets. But if Bones had needed to create a fake Jim in order to spend more time with him, then it was obvious that something had to change.


	3. Chapter 3

"Some idea of what to do on your shore leave?

Jim was leaning against the back wall in the officers' mess, watching what happened in front of him with a glass of brandy in his hand. Not replicated brandy, for once. The Enterprise was ferrying a group of Vulcan and human delegates to a conference in beta quadrant. It was the kind of mission that Jim hated, one where nothing exciting ever happened and he had to put up with a bunch of snooty bureaucrats and their assistants wandering around his ship, making absurd questions and insisting in observing protocol. They had too many of these lately.

However, not everything was bad. Having these people on board meant that, at least in the welcome and farewell receptions, they served decent alcohol and every member of the crew would enjoy a day of shore leave before starting their next mission.

It was a pity that the conference was not celebrated on a planet, somewhere where they could enjoy a little bit of fresh air, but Jim was not complaining. He had checked in advance the facilities of the station. It had several decent restaurants and two or three interesting clubs. Not so fancy that he couldn't let himself go but classy and expensive enough to minimize the risk of any member of his crew finding him in an embarrassing situation.

"I wouldn't call it shore leave, Jim. It's not even a full day off."

McCoy was by his side, their shoulders touching, watching carefully what was going on the mess reconverted into a reception hall. Theoretically, they should be mingling with their guests, but the night was about to finish and they both had fulfilled more than enough with their share of trivial talk. So he guessed that nobody would protest if they took a break now that some of the guests had started to leave.

"We have only two days and I want that everybody have some time at the base," Jim shrugged. "But we have a night off and almost a full day to recover from the hangover. What do you say? You game?"

"I have no choice," Bones turned his head to look at him and hid a smile behind his glass. "Someone has to be sure that you come back home safely."

"Awesome!" Jim said, ignoring the comment. "It'll be like in old times."

The last month he had made an effort to spend more time with Bones. It had been easier than he expected and he had enjoyed it. It was not usual that the CMO joined the away missions, unless they were medical related, but there wasn't any regulation that forbade it, so Jim had started to include him as often as it was possible. Maybe Bones would protest about having to use the transporter, but his mood improved as soon as he had his feet on solid earth.

He had added the sickbay to the departments that he visited daily. Truth was that he had nothing to inspect, Bones ruled over his dominion with a firm hand and everything there run smoothly, but if his friend was not busy when Jim appeared they could hide in his office and talk for a while. Bones had looked suspicious the first few times, but had not chased him away so Jim considered that a victory.

They had dined together almost every night. Frequently with Spock and Uhura and sometimes with Sulu and Chekov too. Now and then, however, they had stayed alone in Jim's cabin and, except for some random call from the bridge before dessert, it had been almost as good as when they shared a room at the Academy.

Jim had to admit that he liked to have Bones closer. Until he had heard it again, he hadn't noticed how much he missed Bones' sarcasm. Jim was looking forward his reaction when he told him that he had signed them up for the first bowling championship of the Enterprise. Bones was a hopeless player.

"Spock is coming with us," Jim added looking at the Vulcan, who was speaking with a delegate by the drinks table. "I think that Uhura is going to have dinner with Chapel and Rand."

"Spock?" Bones arched an eyebrow. "And how's that going to be like old times?" The half-smile in his face, however, told Jim that he didn't mind the company.

"Not that part," he admitted. "But he was going to stay on board, working, and Uhura asked me to take him with us. She plans to leave Christine and Janice at midnight and has something planned for them that wouldn't work if she has to come and get Spock on the ship. I couldn't say no. She doesn't ask for favors too often."

"And you want an ace up your sleeve for the next time you screw it up and she wants to kill you." McCoy sighed. "All right, if you can convince him I guess it'll be interesting."

"But after that is you and me. And all the bars we can visit in one night."

"That can be not as long as you think, Jim. It's a quite small star base."

"Ah, that's where you're wrong," Jim said patting his friend's shoulder. "Maybe the options won't be as varied as if we were on Risa, but I've seen what they serve on some of the places there, Bones. We're going to need..."

"Captain?"

Jim turned to look at the woman standing in front of him and a smile appeared on his face when he recognised her. He had been looking for the chance of enjoying some private time with her since he had greeted her in the transport room at her arrival to the Enterprise but, until now, that had not been possible.

"Miss Veccio." Jim greeted. "I hope you're having a nice evening."

"Of course I am." The girl said, giving him back a smile that showed just what Jim wanted to see. "Your crew is going out of their way to make our travel agreeable. And I have to say that your ship is amazing."

"Thank you, we are quite proud of her."

"With good reasons, judging by what I see." Jim noticed the girl moving almost imperceptibly closer to him and, without hesitation, he moved a little away from the wall, closing the distance between them a little more. "I've heard that the botany bay of the ship is especially interesting and I've still had not got the chance of visiting it. I was wondering if you may be so kind to show it to me. I mean, if I I'm not interrupting something important."

The girl sent a brief look at Bones, who had been watching the scene in silence, before returning her attention to Jim. He did not even need to look at his friend to know that Bones was making an impressive effort to not roll his eyes and let out a snort. Even so, he reacted even faster than Jim.

"Of course not," the doctor said. "In fact, Captain, I need to speak to Lieutenant Jeffries tonight, so if you excuse me..."

Before Jim could answer, McCoy bowed lightly and disappeared between the guests. Jim knew perfectly well that there wasn't a Lieutenant Jeffries on the ship but he and Bones had been using that line, or a similar one, every time one of them needed an excuse to move out of the picture and leave the other one alone with a girl. In fact, Bones had used it a lot more than him. Jim was not sure when the last time he had seen his friend leave with someone was. Maybe he should do something about it on the next shore leave. Maybe. That wouldn't be until two nights later and he had more urgent things to worry about.

"Shall we go?" Jim asked, offering his arm to the girl. "It's not far."

The corridors of the Enterprise were almost totally silent when Jim walked back to his cabin that night. The visit to the botany bay had been brief, but he had not expected something different. The chemistry between him and Miss Veccio, Sonia, he corrected himself without hiding a satisfied smile, had been undeniable from the beginning. She was smart, cheeky and a lot hotter than the assistants of diplomats used to be.

It was a chance that Jim couldn't let pass. The sex life of a Captain of the Fleet was desperately depressing. Of course he had met a certain number of beautiful and exotic women, but regulations put every woman of his crew out of limits for him and it was in the Enterprise where Jim spent most of his time so... Abstinence was something he was not used and he didn't like it.

After leaving Sonia deeply sleeping on her bed, he was on an excellent mood. Too good to waste it sleeping. He enjoyed the moments when most of the crew was resting and he could imagine that he had the ship just for himself, so instead of going back to his bed he decided to go for a long walk around the empty corridors. At first, he had intended to go down to engineering, but for some obscure reason his feet had taken him to sickbay and the closed door of the holodeck. He had not gone back there since the night he had seen Bones in Brennon's and he was sure that his friend had not noticed the intrusion. Or, if he had noticed, Bones had decided to ignore it, because every time he had spoken about the holodeck it had been only regarding the official project. The first report had been sent and the answer received from Earth had been more than positive.

Keeping in mind that Bones didn't seem to need to improve his technique anymore and the amount of time they had been spending together, Jim was ready to bet that Bones had stopped visiting his double. He had no reasons to do it. Not when he had the original back. However, it wouldn't do any harm to take another look and be sure.

He didn't want to pry, he told himself while he typed his override code. He only needed to know that his best friend didn't miss him anymore. He'd go in, check that the computer that only kept registers of Bones' patients and leave. Less than five minutes and he wouldn't need to intrude again.

But Bones had not stopped using the holodeck, Jim found as soon as he set his eyes on the records. Maybe not as often, because Jim had taken on a lot of his free time, but even so he had been there at least twice a week. If he'd appeared only half an hour earlier, he noticed checking astonished the date of the last register, they'd have crossed at the door.

Why? Bones was not a fan of official receptions. He kept insisting that he wasn't on board with the political manoeuvring but, even if he didn't enjoy them, he was very good at that kind of things. And that night had been unusually relaxed. Jim wouldn't dare to say that Bones had enjoyed it, but he wouldn't think that he'd need a drink after it.

Without giving himself time to doubt, Jim started the last simulation and turned his chair to look at the screen. What he saw was very similar to what he had already seen. Bones with fake him, hanging out in Brennon's. And Bones seemed to be in an excellent mood. He fixed his eyes on the fake Jim, trying to guess what had he done to put that smile in his friend's face. Nothing that he would have not done before, probably better, he decided frowning.

Physically, his double was an almost perfect copy of himself, but the way he acted was all wrong. He spoke too much, moved his hands a little too wildly, laughed too loud. Not that Jim could hear what he was saying. The record had sound, but he was watching it in silence. One thing was to watch what was happening and a very different one was to spy on another person's converation. From his point of view that would be violating his friend's privacy.

And he was too close to give in to temptation to his taste, so Jim turned the computer off and left the room. This time he returned to his cabin following the more direct route. He undressed, carefully folded the dress uniform that he had worn to the reception and hung it on his dresser. Then he stretched out on his bed, determined to forget the matter, and closed his eyes, but sleep didn't come.

After his evening with Sonia, Jim had been sure that he'd sleep like a baby, but now he only could think about Bones. Every time he closed his eyes he saw his friend and his double in front of him. He couldn't believe that Bones would miss him. Not after the few last weeks. It had to be some other thing, but what? He doubted that fake Jim would be funnier or more intelligent or nicer than him. What the hell? He was the original and the original was always the best. But it had to be something. Something that went further than the need of a drink, because not even in their worst moments in the Academy he had visited Brennon's so often.

He just didn't get it. Of course he always could go and speak with Bones, he thought, but to do that he'd have to confess that he had been spying him. And if he knew his friend at all he wasn't going to be happy about it, so that option was discarded. Unfortunately, he had nobody to discuss the matter. Or maybe he had?

Suddenly, a crazy idea filled his brain. It was absurd and, if Bones ever found it out he wasn't going to only be pissed off. He'd probably ask for a transfer to the more remote star base that he could find and wouldn't speak to him ever again. Sometimes, however, you had to take a risk and that was a risk that he could control.

He gave a glance to the clock on his night table. He didn't need an alarm, the computer took care of waking him every morning an hour and a half before the beginning of his shift, but that clock had been a present from Bones in their first year on the Academy. He had been very close of receiving a demerit for being late to class twice in the same week and the old fashioned clock had appeared one afternoon on his night table and kept him out of problems, so of course he still used it. It was late but experience told him that the person he needed wouldn't be still in bed and the computer confirmed that Bones was in his cabin, probably sleeping like a log.

If he wanted to do it, this moment was as good as any other. It was likely better than most. As soon as he made the decision, Jim jumped from the bed and dressed again with the first thing that he found in his dresser, jeans so worn that they almost had holes, and a black uniform shirt. He went out of his cabin, walked the five metres that separated his quarters from Spock's and knocked.

It would have been easier and faster to cross through their shared bathroom, of course, but after the embarrassing morning when he had found his first officer in flagrante with Uhura, Jim only used that way when he knew for sure that Spock was waiting for him. The Vulcan took more time than Jim expected, but after a little waiting the door opened and Spock appeared, dressed in the tunic that he wore to meditate.

"Captain." The Vulcan greeted him, apparently undisturbed for finding his commanding officer at his door in the middle of the night.

"Spock." Jim said in what he hoped was a perfectly ordinary voice. "I'm sorry to disturb you so late, but I need your opinion about something."

"Of course." The Vulcan took a step back, inviting him in, when Jim gave no hint of wanting to start talking right away.

"No. Not here. You have to see something." Jim gestured to the corridor. "It's personal."

Spock arched a brow almost imperceptibly, but he followed Jim to the corridor and allowed the door to close at his back. They walked silently the short distance to the medical bay. To Jim, it was a clear evidence of how much their relationship had improved in the last months that the Vulcan didn't react when he typed his override code on the holodeck's door. Only when they were inside, Spock broke the silence.

"Does doctor McCoy know that we're here?"

"No. And I'll thank you if you don't tell him," Jim ignored the almost imperceptible reproach in his first officer's eyes. "Do you remember the night when Bones told us about his problems with the holodeck?"

"I do not suffer from any diminution of memory and that event took place only a few weeks ago, so of course I remember. However, since Doctor McCoy has not mentioned again his issues with that matter and that all the communications from the Fleet regarding the holodeck project have been eminently positive, I assumed that he had overcome his difficulties."

"Yes, I know. But some weeks ago he was spending so much time here that I thought it would be a good idea to take a glance and see how things were going. Only so I could help if he needed it. You know how he is. He doesn't like to ask for help." Jim shrugged and started typing on the nearest computer terminal, looking for one of McCoy's sessions. "And I found a lot like this."

"Captain, this is a clear violation of doctor McCoy's privacy."

"Maybe, if we only wanted to poke around, but that's not the case. We're here to help. Bones would like it if he knew."

Spock's arched brow said very loudly that he didn't agree, but he kept silent and sat in the free chair, so Jim ignored it, pushed the button to start the reproduction and waited.

It was one of the recordings that Jim had not seen, but again it was a variation of the same theme. There was subtle differences, however. This time he was there before Bones arrived and they spent a long time at the bar, talking to other patrons, before moving to their table. And whatever fake Jim was telling him should be important, because that nuisance didn't seem able to stop talking. All that Bones was doing was listening and say a word here and there.

Besides that, he was moving his arms in an exaggerated way, Jim decided. Of course, he was conscious that he himself talked a lot with his hands, he was not stupid, but that was too much. If he looked for the details, he thought, the similarity with his double was not as exact like the ones that Bones had got with the rest of the patrons. Maybe that was why he kept going back there, because he still had not got Jim just right. He was still looking for differences when the recording finished. With a sigh, he turned the screen off and turned toward Spock.

"So," Jim asked, "what do you think?"

"Of course, this is not a scenery that I have had the chance to visit in real life, but the realism and the level of detail present in the simulation result impressive. Either Doctor McCoy has invested many hours of his free time in this project or he undervalued his abilities in a great way in first place."

"He didn't. Believe me." Jim grimaced. "He was not exaggerating at all, but I wasn't speaking about that. I need to know what you think about... that," he added waving to the screen. "Why do you think Bones have chosen to work on something like that?"

"The proposal was that he focused on something comfortable, familiar, and judging by what I see, it seems he has reached his goal with a noticeable success."

"Yes, of course. We knew that Bones was going to be fine as soon as he got the knack of it." Jim discarded Spock's comment without giving it a second thought. "I wasn't talking about that either. He could have recreated whatever he wanted, anything in the galaxy. And he has been coming here, night after night, and having a beer with me. Why?"

"Maybe Doctor McCoy does not wish something more exotic." Spock said as if it was the most evident thing in the world. "Maybe this is what he wants."

"That was what I thought. That maybe he missed me because lately we have not been spending as much time together as we used. So I've been looking for time so we can be together. I swear to you that if he wants a drink with me, he doesn't need to come here and hang out with a bad copy of me, but he keeps returning almost every night. What do you think?" he pressed when the Vulcan didn't seem to have any comment to do.

"About Doctor McCoy's behaviour?"

"Of course. Why do you think he does it?"

"Captain, I doubt I am the most suitable person to express an opinion about that topic. My assumption is that this is a matter of a personal nature, probably merely emotional, and in both those aspects you are better than me to extract conclusions."

"Maybe I am, but I can see what happens. There's something that I can't get." Jim shrugged. "I don't know, maybe in this case logic would help. Even if we're speaking of Bones," he added seeing Spock's sceptical arched bow.

"Doctor McCoy won't be happy if he ever finds what we are doing."

"He doesn't have to know it. And it's for his own good."

"For some reason, I doubt he has the same perspective about this matter."

"I won't tell him if you don't do it. Come on, Spock. Help me here. If you don't do it I'll keep worrying about Bones. And you know how bad that will be for my efficiency and for the crew's moral. Please."

Jim fixed his eyes in Spock and waited. What he was asking for was not as crazy as some of the things that Jim had proposed him in the last few months, but he knew that the Vulcan wouldn't like to risk Bones' confidence. Even if he was not going to admit it aloud, Jim knew that Spock held the doctor's friendship in high regard.

"In order to have enough data to extract valid conclusions, I would need to analyse several more simulations." Spock said after a long moment. "That would allow to stablish similarities and differences and stablish a pattern of behaviour. Accessing to the audio file would be useful too."

"No." Jim shook his head. "That would be prying a little too much. Besides it's me... I mean, the other me, who talks most of the time. We wouldn't find anything useful listening."

"It could be a significant subject, since doctor McCoy was who programmed his behaviour. If you're looking for answers, it would not be logical to discard any source of information even before starting to explore its possibilities."

"Bones wouldn't like it." Jim refused to accept even when he couldn't deny that it was a reasonable argument.

"Maybe, if he would discover what we are doing but, using your own words, he will not know if we are careful."

Jim opened his mouth to argue and closed it again. It was typical of Spock, using his own words against him, but he had to admit that they were so right now as half an hour before. If he asked to the computer to warn him if the CMO left his cabin, it wasn't possible that Bones could catch them. And it was for his own good. It was obvious that there was something that he needed and wasn't going to ask for and, as his best friend, it was his duty to find what it was and give it to him. If, in order to do that, he had to do something that his friend wouldn't like too much... Well, in his past he had made worse decisions for worse reasons.

"Of course," Jim sighed finally. "Choose yourself."

Jim left himself fall against the back of his chair and waited while Spock chose a new recording. He didn't know what selection criteria the Vulcan was using, but it seemed that it was taking him forever. The result, nevertheless was not very different as what Jim was starting to feel sick of seeing.

Watching it with sound, however, was a very different experience. If Spock was expecting something revealing in those talks, Jim doubted that he would find it. Bones and fake Jim were just there, talking about work, about the crew, about... a little bit of everything. His friend's sarcasm showed up here and there, often at the expense of the other patrons, but there was not personal conversation.

In the next four hours, Jim didn't hear anything that he wouldn't have heard or said himself before. He truly hoped that Spock would have found something useful, because he was as in the dark now as he was at the beginning of the night. When the screen finally turned off his muscles were stiff, he had a growing headache, and wanted to go to bed and sleep at least two or three hours before his daily date for breakfast with Bones. Even so, he forced himself to shift his chair and look at his first officer. This time, it was him who arched a questioning brow.

"What I have just seen, for itself, does not reveal more than a wish of enjoying a friend's company." Spock answered after thinking about it for a moment. "That's evident."

He already knew that, Jim thought. And he didn't need four hours of watching Bones with that moron to deduce it. He was ready to say it aloud when Spock decided to continue talking.

"However, for all those who have got the chance to watch you two together, especially when you are not in the ship, the difference is clearly perceptible.

"Is it?" Jim asked leaning forward in his chair.

"It is, for every person that has spent a shore leave with you," the Vulcan confirmed. "And it is that difference what allows me to deduce what Doctor McCoy is looking for with that specific simulation."

"And what's that?" Jim pressured when Spock stopped talking again.

"I am afraid that is not my place to tell you," the Vulcan answered. "I am probably not the most suitable person to judge the doctor's emotional needs, but I think that I can understand what he is doing and why. So, if he has decided not to speak about this matter, I should not do it either. I am sorry. I cannot help you, captain.

And before Jim had the chance of uttering another word his first officer had gone, leaving behind him a closed door, an overwhelming silence and a totally confused Jim.


	4. Chapter 4

The club was just what Jim was looking for. It was dark and noisy enough to fit with his mood, but it had some quiet areas around the bar, so Spock did not mind following him and Bones inside. Besides that, it wasn't a cheap place, so there wasn't risk of finding more than one or two members of his crew there. Jim liked to share some fun with his people when they were on shore leave, but that night he wanted to unwind, focus on Bones, flirt a little, drink as much as he wanted, and he didn't like the idea of the captain showing up drunk in front of his crew.

So far, the night was being a success. Bones, Spock, and he had got dinner in a small restaurant that served earth dishes made with ingredients from all over the galaxy. After that, they had stopped in a hole in the wall on the darkest corner of the promenade deck, where Jim had bought some bottles of not exactly legal liquor under the disapproving look of Spock. Now Jim was ready to start with the funner fun part of the program.

Bones and him were well into their second beer and Spock was sipping some kind of blue cocktail with a name that Jim would not be able to repeat until he were a lot drunker. Bones looked more relaxed than he had seen in a long while, but all the same Jim was not going to take his eyes off of him.

The issue with the holodeck was still bothering him. He had attempted to pressure Spock for more information, but the Vulcan had plainly refused to speak again about the matter, so he was still clueless. However, he had decided to observe Bones, all night if it was needed, until he found what was happening. Nothing to note at the moment, he decided, and waved to the waitress for another drink.

"Another beer?" the girl said, leaning over the bar in front of Jim and allowing a perfect view of her neckline. "Or are you ready for something more interesting?"

"More interesting?" Jim, who had been busy listening Bones and Spock bantering about the need or no need of more illumination in the place, turned on his stool to take a better look at her. She was definitely not from Earth, but no less beautiful. Her white hair fell almost to her waist. She had big, black eyes, a little too big for her to be human, and a delicate purple script running from the temple to her chin, outlined beautifully over the light shade of blue of her face. A shade of blue that, judging by the extremely low neckline of her dress, spread all over her body.

"Well, this is a trade post, you know? There's always something new and exciting to try," she said with a smile that told Jim that they were not speaking about drinks any more.

"Always?" he asked returning the smile.

"Always, if you're brave enough."

And how could Jim not be interested? He was in the space to learn about new worlds and civilizations and of course that included beautiful, exotic, alien waitress.

She was looking at him, inviting and daring, and Jim's interest grew even more. Of course he was up to the dare. Only maybe a little later, he decided after a quick look at his two friends. Bones was leaning back against the bar, checking out the rest of the patrons, while Spock seemed perfectly happy, lost in his own thoughts. He didn't want to leave then, not yet. He allowed his eyes to make a slow run over the waitress body and smiled suggestively.

"It's a little early to start being adventurous. Let's keep to the beer for now and maybe later I'll be interested in listening more about those other options."

A disappointed expression crossed briefly the girl's face, but soon enough the suggesting smile was again in place, Jim had another beer on his hand and a new one was left on the bar next to Bones. When he turned to join his friends again, he found Spock's eyes watching him with the same expression that he used when he observed some especially fascinating specimen. Jim arched a bow inquisitively. It wasn't as if Spock wouldn't have seen him flirting before. The Vulcan, however, ignored the question and Jim decided to let it pass too.

"So, gentlemen," he asked. "Have you heard about that last date between Yeoman Lars and Ensign Zas?"

Bones' groan was perfectly audible, Spock's reproachful look was a lot more subtle, but just the same they jumped immediately into a discussion about the last and hotter affair between two members of the crew. As much as they denied to be interested in gossip, they always knew what was happening on the ship. Spock said it was his job to know the mood of the crew and anticipate possible troubles and Bones... Well, the best rumours always seemed to arrive to the sickbay quicker than to the bridge. There were even people who looked for Bones to speak about their problems. Not that his friend made any effort to convince people to go and tell him stuff, but they did it all the same. So, dragging them to a heated debate about Lars and Zas, who were a well-known secret for everybody in the Enterprise, was not difficult.

And then there was Chekov's recently developed obsession with the yeoman in charge of the gyms of the ship. Jim was almost sure that he was faking it to make Sulu jealous, but Spock didn't believe that the navigator could be so devious. Bones, the secretive bastard, said that they both were wrong and implied that he knew something that they not. Trying to coax him for that information, with some not very well concealed help from Spock, was fun however, and they still had not run out of the topic when Uhura came into the club looking for Spock.

She looked a lot like the night Jim had met her in Riverside, happy, smart, bold, and hot as hell, although this time she was more interested in taking Spock away than in drinks.

"Ah, the beautiful Uhura, who has no first name," Jim greeted her with a mischievous smile. "Can we tempt you to stay and have a drink with us?"

"No, you can't", she answered with a mock frown. "It's late and I have more interesting plans for tonight." She pronounced plans with a very evident capital P, wrapping an arm around Spock's waist and pushing him gently to the door. "Have a good night, gentlemen."

"Don't do anything that I wouldn't do," Jim said to the backs of the pair. While he watched them leave, Bones excused himself to go to the rest room and Jim decided that it was time for a change of scenery for them too. He turned to the waitress, who was looking at him from the back of the bar, and waved her to come closer.

"I think that we are ready to make our night a bit more exciting. Can you suggest us a good place? Maybe you could join us later, when you finish here?" He added when she made a face of disappointment. "Maybe bring a friend?"

The smile came back, full strong, on the girl's face. "Well, there's a place in corridor C-23 where you can..."

"Captain?" The unexpected voice of Spock at his back almost made Jim jump from his stool.

"Spock," he said trying to get his balance back. "What happens? I thought you had left with Uhura."

"I am leaving, but before proceeding with our plans for the night I decided I should tell you something."

"And it had to be now?" It had to be something really important if Spock was willing to delay the kind of things that Uhura seemed to have planned for him that night.

"Some nights ago you asked for my opinion about a situation involving Doctor McCoy."

"Yes. And you decided that it was not your business," Jim said bitterly.

"I have reappraised my position regarding this issue. You wanted to know the difference between the simulations and real life," the Vulcan continued, ignoring Jim's acerbic tone. "My analysis shows only one very clear difference between those two situations and you have it there." He pointed subtly to the waitress and then went back to Uhura without waiting for a reply.

He had to stop doing that, Jim decided. There had to be some regulation somewhere that forbade the first officer to leave the captain hanging like that. It was really annoying, almost rude. Not proper of a Vulcan at all. And what did he mean with the waitress? Of course she wasn't in the simulations. That wasn't possible. They had met her less than two hours before. Maybe he was talking about the waitress in a more general way? But that was hard to believe too. Bones had chosen a waitress for the simulation although there were several men working in Brennon's too, and he was in very friendly terms with her.

Jim had drank in dozens of places with Bones and he had always got on well with waitress. He'd go as far as to say that they loved Bones. His friend was, without exception, nice and polite with them. Even when he was drunk, Bones was never rude or looked for problems. He was a mournful drunk and, when he really wanted to drink hard, he preferred to do it alone, at home.

So, what was the problem with this one? She had not spoken to Bones, it had been with Jim... It had been with Jim that she had been flirting and if Jim remembered well, he hadn't seen fake Jim flirting with anyone in the simulations. It was that? Bones didn't like him flirting? That was absurd. Spock had to be wrong. Asking him had been a desperate last resort, but the Vulcan used to be right in his deductions about people.

Maybe Spock thought that Bones was jealous. Right, Jim thought making fun of himself. As if that could be true. Jim had been dreaming about something like that almost since the shuttle in Riverside. Being Bones' best friend was amazing, but if he'd have the chance of having him as something more without risking that friendship, Jim would jump all over it without any doubt. He had even made a move to bring him into his bed when they had just met. Bones' refusal, however, had been categorical and Jim had not dared to try again later. He was Bones' best friend and that had to be enough.

Only that, if Spock was right, he still might have a chance to have it all, the friendship, the passion that he knew run deep inside Bones, and the love. Love forever, because he knew his friend well enough to be sure that he didn't do things by half. The divorce hadn't been his decision. It had been his wife who had decided that she wanted something different and Jim was not that stupid. If Bones wanted him, he was going to stay with him for as long as he wanted.

And that led him again to the first question. Was Bones interested in him at all? He made an effort to remember as many details as he could about the simulations. Fake Jim wasn't flirting outrageously, but he was a lot more handsy than real Jim had ever been. And Bones didn't seem to mind it. He hadn't complained, groaned, or threatened fake Jim for that. He acted as if he enjoyed and, if Spock was right, that was the truth. Now he had to decide what to do about it because he was not a coward, he was not going to resign himself to be without him anymore.

Just then Bones appeared at the other end of the club and Jim kept his eyes fixed on his friend while his friend made his way to the bar. For first time in ages he allowed himself to look at the Doctor in a non-platonic way. Maybe he wasn't beautiful in classical way, but he was the most handsome man in the place and Jim was not the only one aware of it, since more than one head turned to watch him.

"Hey!" Jim said when his friend was again with him. "Are you ready to leave? We have some more places on our agenda for tonight."

"Are you sure?" Bones asked shooting a quick look to the waitress. "Don't you want to try something more interesting'?"

"Nah" Jim smiled broadly. Maybe Spock was right after all. "I told you that tonight was only you and me and I was serious."

The smile on Bones' face was more than enough to compensate Jim for any potential adventurous experience that he could miss that night.


	5. Chapter 5

He had to stop doing that, Leonard thought. It wasn't fair. Not for the crew, that had has not got had free access to the holodeck, not for Jim, who had probably noticed that something was wrong because he had been acting oddly the last few weeks, not even for him. He kept telling himself that he was still improving his skills, but that was not true. He made changes in every session, looked for ways to to make things easier, faster, more realistic, but he already knew more than enough for the therapy to work well.

Leonard was not going to lie to himself. He didn't keep going into the holodeck because he needed to learn any more, he came because he couldn't give up to those moments with Jim. Even if they were not real, and he knew that they were not real, he still was not delusional., inside Inside those four walls he didn't have to share him with his crew or watch him look for someone new to share his bed. Inside those four walls, Leonard had Jim's full, undivided attention and it wasn't easy to give up something like that up.

He could go farther away, make his false Jim flirt with him shamelessly, maybe even have a false relationship with him, but that would make harder to go back to the real world. In real life, there were was not no chances of Jim being interested on in him. To Jim he was Bones, his best friend, the guy who was always there when things went to hell and, even if sometimes Leonard hated that situation, he was happy to know that, at the end, Jim always came back to him.

Leonard didn't know when things had changed but, sometime between the shuttle to San Francisco and the Christmas break on their second year in the Academy, he had fallen in love. And it was not a fleeting feeling. It wasn't, as it had been with Jocelyn, love at first sight with the beautiful, funny, brilliant girl who had made him lose reason and throw common sense through the window.

It was deeper, stronger, more real, because he knew the kid and loved his too blue to be real eyes to be real, his cheeky smile, his loyalty, his absolute dedication to the things that caught on his interest. But he loved his reckless tendency to jump before looking, his stubbornness, hisand his love for joining fights that he couldn't win even when he knew that he couldn't win too and wouldn't change him for anything in the world.

This was the real thing and Leonard was too much of a coward to make do something about it. In his place, he was sure that Jim wouldn't doubt and go after what he wished but he... Friendship was only a part of what he wanted from Jim. He wanted a lot more. He wanted it all, but he was not ready to risk what he already had for something that probably wouldn't last. Jim was not known for his long term relationships and Leonard knew that he wouldn't be ok with only a few nights on in his friend's bed, so friendship was what he had and what he expected to have for a long time.

And he was lucky to have that, Leonard said sternly to himself while he crossed the door to the holodeck one more time. A smile appeared slowly in his face when he looked around. He had changed the decoration for that night. Every year after Thanksgiving Jake, Brennon's owner, went into some kind of Christmas frenzy. Lights appeared around every window, bowls with candy were placed on the bar and candles on every table. Mistletoe hung all around the place and was changed of place randomly to catch by surprise the off guard clients by surprise.

Some of the new patrons found Jake's love for Christmas funny, but Leonard liked it. Before his divorce, Christmas had been his favourite time of the year. He knew that Jim and some of the yeomen were organizing some kind of multicultural celebration on the ship that year, but it was not the same. He was an open minded man, he wouldn't survive in Starfleet if he wasn't, but Santa and ceremonial songs from Andoria didn't mix well in Leonard's head, so he was going to treat himself with a small dose of Christmas in Brennon's.

"Hei Hey Len!" Kate greeted him from the bar and Leonard made a straight line to the stool that was always free for him Hi He said hi to some of the other clients and sat to wait for Jim. He should came through the door in any moment now. Leonard never knew when that would be. He had programmed the deck to make him appear in an undetermined period between two and ten minutes later than him. In real life Jim didn't use to make him wait more than that.

That nighnight, the door opened almost as soon as Leonard had ordered his bourbon. It had been a very long day in the sickbay. A beer was not going to be enough for him that night. He breathed deep when he saw Jim. He wore the same clothes in every simulation, jeans, white t-shirt and his leather jacket. Just like that morning in Riverside, except for the blood. To Leonard, Jim never looked better that that, not even in his yellow gold uniform and it got him every time.

Leonard allowed himself to drink in the sight. This Jim didn't mind and the one outside would never know, so he enjoyed watching his friend greet people and pat shoulders in his way to the bar. He knew everybody by name there and everybody seemed happy to see him. That had been truth in real life and Leonard hadn't found reasons to change it here, so he waited patiently until Jim pushed the nearer closest stool a little closer and sat so near him that their shoulders brushed.

"Am I late?" Jim asked, waving to call the waitress.

"Nah! I arrived early."Technicallyearly." Technically, it was his fault if the kid arrived late and today he was not on the mood to complain about it.

"You have started strong," Jim signaledsignalled Leonard's bourbon ad and asked for his own drink. "Bad day?"

"No. Not bad. Just... long." Because all his patients of the day were alive and well and there had not been any major medical crisis, but ten hours of physicals were at least three too many for any man's sanity.

"Long as a night in surgery or long as a Friday afternoon with professor Mathews?"

Leonard shuddered. He didn't remember to have charged Mathews in his Jim's pattern of conversation but maybe he had done it. He had spent several hours programming as many little details about him and his friend as he could. There wereIt was often the smaller details what made the simulation realistic.

In any case, it was a good question. A night in surgery used to left him tired and stiff, but fully awake, brimming with adrenaline, satisfied. Professor Mathews classes', however, could kill a man's soul. The man taught Starfleet regulations and bureaucracy to the first year cadets. Three hours sessions every Friday afternoon, after a very long week, in a totally dull tone of voice, studying in excruciating detail how to fill every form ever imagined for the Fleet's bureaucrats, even those that weren't in use any more, were enough to make a student want to kill himself.

"Closer to Mathews," he sighed after a long sip of bourbon.

"So bad, huh?" Jim wrapped an arm around his shoulders. It was something that Jim didn't do often, not even here, and Leonard allowed himself the luxury of leaning against him for a moment. "Then we need to do something to fix it."

Jim's drink arrived just then and he looked around before pushing Leonard gently and make him stand. It was not necessary, Leonard thought. Of course their usual place was unoccupied. It was always available for them, although Jim could not know it.

The pub was a bit crowded that night, something usual on holidays, and Jim cleared a path for them to their table. Leonard followed him without paying attention and almost crashed with him when his friend stopped abruptly.

"What the hell?" He tried to find the reason for the stop, but it seemed there was anyone blocking their way. Maybe he should go through the code again, he frowned, his friend's behaviour today seemed a bit odd. Jim, however, had a big smile on his face.

"Look!" he said turning to Leonard and pointing up. There was mistletoe carefully placed on a light over them. It had happened once or twice before, but Jim had never done anything about it. A quick kiss to his cheeck cheek had been enough all those times but now, before Leonard could say something, Jim put a hand on the lower part of his back, the other one on his shoulder and leaned over to kiss him. Full on the lips.

It was soft, sweet, just a brush of lips, and it was over so soon that Leonard almost believed that he had imagined it. Almost. But Jim was so close that he could see every shadow, every small darkest point on in the impossibeimpossibly blue of his eyes and his smile had disappeared. He was looking at Bones intensely as if he were expecting a reaction.

"Merry Christmas, Bones." He said when Leonard failed to say something, and kissed him again. This time he took his time. Time to taste, to explore Leonard's lips until Leonard relaxed in his arms and returned the kiss. He had dreamed about this moment for so long that now that it was happening he needed a moment to react, but soon he was returning the kiss, pulling Jim closer, giving as much as he took. When Jim's tongue traced the shape of his lips, he opened his mouth and allowed him push inside. Jim's lips were so warmth, so sweet... He couldn't understand why he had not done this before.

Then Jim moaned against his lips and Leonard froze. Fuck! That couldn't be happening. It wasn't possible. He had not programmed the deck for Jim doing that. Under any circumstance. If Jim was kissing him then... Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! He put his hands on his friend's chest and pushed firmly.

"Computer, end simulation." He ordered knowing and fearing what was going to happen. Brennon's disappeared as if it'd never been there, leaving behind an empty room, four grey walls scarcely illuminated. And there, in the middle of the hall, was Jim, jeans, leather jackedjacket, ruffled hair and lips swollen by their kisses, looking at him almost sheepislysheepishly.

"Hi, Bones."

"Jim." Leonard stammered. "This is... This isn't... I can explain it."

"Of course you can."

"Really, this is not what you think."

Jim rose a hand to ask for silence and Leonard closed his mouth immediately. Damn! He had to know that something like this was going to happen. Everything was going too well to last. What if now Jim wanted...Just? Just for once he had notno idea of what Jim could be thinking.

"We need to talk." Jim said and Leonard nodded sadly. He suspected that this was going to be one of those conversations that he didn't enjoy."Butenjoy. "But not here."

"Yes. Of course." Leonard turned to the door. The sooner they finished with this, the better. However, before he could take a step, he felt Jim's hand in his.

"Computer, resume simulation."

Then Brennon's was there again, the noise and the crowd, stunning Leonard for a moment. Still holding his hand, Jim led him to their table by the window and they sat. Not one next to the other as they used to do, but one at on each side of the table. Leonard looked through the window, feeling Jim's eyes on him. A waiter brought them new drinks but nor neither he nor Jim moved to touch them.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jim asked after a long moment.

"About this place?"

"No. Yes. Well, not only about this place. You know what I mean."

Leonard didn't feign that he didn't know what Jim was talking about. It was obvious that he knew what had he been using the deck for. Damned if he understood how his friend had learnt about his feelings but he had, and Leonard might be a coward but he was not going to lie to him.

"I didn't know if you wanted to know." He said, finally looking at Jim again.

"Of course I wanted to know." Jim leaned forward and set his elbows on the table. "Don't you think that I'd be interested in someone like you?"

"Maybe. You made very clear that you wouldn't mind to take me to your bed when we met."Leonardmet." Leonard spoke slowly, thinking very carefully how to phrase what he wanted to say. He had an extensive record of important conversations that went to hell because he had let his tongue run free and he didn't want to screw this one too.

"But by then the divorce was too recent. Everything was too recent, too raw. I wasn't ready even for that. And later I..." He breathed deep and forced himself to admit it out loud for first time. "Then I fell in love, but you had been my best friend for too long. I had seen you date half of the girls in the Academy, some of the guys, and more than a few locals. Even if you still were interested in me that way I couldn't do it. Our friendship was too important for me. I was not risking it for a few nights of sex."

"Oh, come on! I was not so that bad!" Jim's scandalized expression almost made Leonard laugh. "Or maybe I was, but things would have been different if I was with you."

"You don't need to say that." Leonard shook his head. "I was there, remember? You didn't know what long term relationship meant and that's what I'd want if I was with you. But you're my best friend and that's the most important thing for me. I don't want you to change or do something that you're not comfortable with. I'm happy just with your friend friendship."

"Well, maybe that's not enough for me any moreanymore." Jim reached to grab Leonard's hand and held it tighter when Leonard tried to break it free. "You might be right. Maybe then was too soon for us to be something more than friends but it'sits different now. I'm ready for more. I want more."

That was the last thing that Leonard expected to hear from Jim Kirk and he had dreamed about it for so long that he couldn't believe that it was truthtrue.

"Just listen to me." Without letting go of his hand, Jim left his seat and turned walked around the table to seat sit next to Leonard. "We both know that I've done a lot of things with a lot of different people, but I have grew grown up. I'm not that guy any more. Life is never boring with you and you are already are the most long longest term relationship that I've ever had. Coming back home with you every night is what I want to do now. Don't you get it? We can have something so good together. So special. Please, don't say no."

And Leonard wanted to say yes. He wanted to be the man that Jim would come every night for the rest of his life. The only question was, could did he dare to believe him? Had Jim really changed so much? His heart had been broken once before, if it happened again it'd be worse, much worse, and he wouldn't have Starfleet to run away to this time. He breathed deep, looked Jim into the eyes, and that did it. Jim was looking at him same as when he considered a new mission, a new not no win scenario thrown in his way. He was ready to fight for Leonard and the feeling was so overwhelming that he felt almost giddy.

"Let me make this clear," he said reaching with his free hand to touch Jim's face. "If you ever change your mind, I'm going to kick your ass all the way to the Beta Quadrant and back."

"Thanks for the warning, but you don't need to worry. You won't need to do any kicking on of my posterior." Jim eyes were bright and happy. "But now we have more important things to discuss."

"We do?" A hundred of possibilities blew again into Leonard's head. Judging by Jim's smile, however, it couldn't be something bad.

"Yes, we have." Jim leaned forward, so he could embrace Leonard completely. "May I kiss you again now or do I need to find some more mistletoe?"

And Leonard burst into laughter and kissed Jim, wondering if could find some branches to hang in his cabin.


End file.
